dubstep hurts my feelings

I know what you're thinking, I know you've felt neglected, like I hit it and quit it. Good news, I have not humped and dumped you. It's a busy life being the Queen of B-Side, actually, the queen of fucking everything. Also, to anyone who hasn't come to B-Side since my last update;



I've noticed people frequently appearing to be "out of their element" and I'm not only referring to dude's in cargo shorts, flip flops, brimmed hats and girls in tube tops making duck faces in the bathroom mirror for a photo op. Also, while we're on the topic of uncomfortable; should B-Side invest in hypoallergenic sharpies? It sure seems a lot of you under-agers are scrubbing away at those X's as if they itch like hell. Don't worry, the B-Side staff relies on plenty of eyes and ears to be your personal babysitter and when you're scrubbing those hands the staff will be sure to escort you out to prevent any unfortunate instance. If this happens to you, spend that time you have on your hands due to your early exit at the ER, since your X's are a health risk and all.

Anyway, I'm here to connect the dots for you. So that you can exude the confidence of a B-Side elitist and speak the "language". The do's and do not's and the trendy lingo that will make you relevant.

DO use the following words;
- RELEVANT
- TWEEN
- REG
- OI
- GLORY-HOLE
- PLEASE
- THANK-YOU

DO mention the following topics to make yourself RELEVANT in any conversation:
- PBR
- LIBERAL ARTS
- BUKOWSKI
- ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM
- AMERICAN APPAREL
- FLANNEL
- JESUS!!!
- DISDAIN FOR "THE HEIGHTS"
- ANY MENTION OF ME PERSONALLY

DO WEAR T-SHIRTS WITH ME ON THEM, SPECIFICALLY DEEP-THROATING A BANANA:



DO NOT use the following words:
- BRO
- RAPE
- NO (personally, this is my request I just really hate the word no)
- JAGER-BOMB
- DUB-THIRTY

DO NOT make mention of the following, you will or should have your ass beat:
- YOUR BRO'S
- INTENT TO RAPE
- JAGER BOMB'S FOR YOUR BRO'S
- YOUR NEW AFFLICTION HOODIE
- ENCOURAGING FILLY TO "PLAY MORE DUB-STEP" (I will personally have a vendetta against you)
- SMIRNOFF ICE

DO NOT BE THAT GUY AT B-SIDE DRY HUMPING YOUR UGLY GIRLFRIEND, I'M PROBABLY GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE


These tips should keep you in pretty decent shape and they will dramatically change your B-Side experience.

If you haven't visited in a while, you missed out on a lot, you should feel insecure about your social life and you have terrible taste in everything.



LAST SUNDAY, PACKED DANCEFLOOR


B-SIDE BABES FROM BABELAND


LAST MONDAY'S SHOW WITH THE KICK DRUMS (A FULL HOUSE)






Before we part ways, I'd like to encourage everyone to do a small kind thing for someone other than yourself. Specifically, for Brad. I'd like for him to have an extensive collection of gold chains with really beautiful ornaments. I'm talking crosses, spinners, weed leafs, aliens, crowns, etc. Please, know the gift of giving. He WILL wear them.

One day in counting until Sunday night, dress your best, I'll be there. Also, anything you'd like to see, hear, or know on here or all things relevant to B-Side feel free to ask me in person or e-mail me at awolfsvalentine@gmail.com. I am curious to know your thoughts. Don't mistake that for me giving a shit, but I AM curious.

"Goodnight to all the peeps tonight, and all the hoe's thinkin' you 'flossy' #younotty",
Haley Ann

"who the f*ck are you to be drinking champagne?"

I figured I'd title my first blog with the above quote because other than it being riveting and colorful, it would help lead me into getting acquainted with you, here, now.

I suppose you could call me a frequenter of b-side, or a "reg". However, we may not ever have met before; I tend to be too shy, I'm working on breaking out of that terrible trait of mine. Most would describe me as soft-spoken, ladylike, classy, sophisticated, a "wallflower", plain, and most of all, level-headed. I must admit, I do like to set some sort of a standard of poise and elegance. I'm more of a "people watcher" I relax in the corners and let others have the spotlight. I've never really been much of an "attention seeker".

So then why would I be given the honor of being your official internet voice of b-side?

Because if you really know me at all; you know all of the above is entirely un-fucking-true (not to mention the dead hopes and dreams of my mother's; she really did try to instill the aforementioned respectable qualities in me. But I never listened. Or I just couldn't hear her over the sound of how AWESOME I AM).

If you don't know me, I'll tell you the truth; I am your conscience. Okay, I'm not, but I really should be. I should also, be well behaved but "should"s and "should not"s just get messy with me so let us not get specific. I can be a real peach to people, I can also come off as a bit of a.... vulgar, filthy, verbal-pioneering, "proper" bitch. But all in good fun. I really can't help it, I just have no mental filter when it comes to the words that leave my mouth. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm rather god damn refreshing and delightful. I really just give no fucks. Ever. No. Fucks. Ever. I take fucks, but I do not give fucks. I like to spend my time at b-side with everyone that I adore and celebrate, and to get out of control like a monumentally disastrous oil spill in the gulf.

So, being that we're just internet "meeting", like b-harmony, I'll take it easy on you, KY jelly and all. The following faces are people I will frequently mention on here when I have "drunk dear diary"s about b-side and all things relevant to b-side. Plus, you should just know in general these good people (to those of you who I do not spotlight below, you eventually will be on here so don't cry about it).

BRAD (aka MY DAD)

He's not really my dad. He has absolutely nothing to do with my lack of discipline and questionable behavior, he actually, supports it and finds humor in it. Buttttt, he's my dad. He has watched me grow from a bratty 18 year old to a terrible trouble making 23 year old. He is the reason YOU have some of the best DJ's RIGHT HERE IN CLEVELAND. Brad brings you the phenomenal guest DJ's, he is the man behind any and all b-side parties&events, and he himself spins you good music. He's really OUR dad; he is the man to thank for all of the fun we have. Thou shall honor thy b-side father.

FILLY

This is Filly, as you can see, he is inappropriate. Mostly just because he's my "other dad". Not in the way where "its 2010 and I have 2 dad's!". Not at all. I happen to refer to a handful of b-side gent's as my dad. Filly plays dubstep. I'm biting my tongue about that right now (you fuck). He is also one of your wonderful b-side DJ's.

OH FUCK & YES SIR

Basically, you don't want to do anything to be on a first name basis with these guys. I mean, you can be, but not in the way where they asked your name after they dragged you out and owned you like Michael owned Tito.

KASSIE

Goddess of helping you pick your poison. She is one of my favorite people in the world and one of your stellar bartenders. You know, the people we want to give big tips to so they don't have to eventually be using food stamps. Don't yell at her, don't wave money at her; she knows you're there and she will serve you and be great to you. Also, she loves LOST.

FILLY'S "MANHOOD"

Haha....I know, right?

STEVEN BRYANT

My best friend. He's real big. He's real black. And he loves alcohol and bitches. Above all though, me.

AARON TUMBRY (FAR LEFT, GREEN, BEHIND FILLY EYE FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF ME)

It's not so much Aaron you should know (because he most likely won't remember you, he gives no fucks either). It's his bun. His bun is a status symbol. You'll see....

CHRISTIAN BARILLA

He whines at me like a pansy bitch and he can be a huge pain but I do love him. You can usually anticipate his arrival around last call. He has "priorities".

RONNY

I mean, obvi.

I spend most of my time at b-side with these people (and others) so most of my stories will most likely involve the above, so now you can connect the dots. If you can't, then you're just fucking retarded......so you should definitely be friends with Christian.

If you were not there tonight; you missed chicken fighting and me getting twin tag teamed.





I hope all of you who read this first post feel inspired and excited for the future because I know I am. Because I am the future. So basically, you're all fucked. But we'll all be tanked at b-side so as one we will give no fucks. By the way, the question/title "who the fuck are you to be drinking champagne?" was asked to me in the girls room one night. I cherish that moment, I wanted to kiss her and punch her at the same time because personally I think sex and fighting solves everything. Anyway, I am Haley fucking Ann. But you can just call me "nasty nancy" or "dogface". But everyone else calls me Haley.

Before i go, drink picks of the week with much thought put behind.....

FOR MY FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM


FOR THE BROS


FOR THE UNDER-AGERS


AND LASTLY,
NOT FOR ANYONE, EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.


"Watch out for the gold chain you fucks",
haley ann