I figured I'd title my first blog with the above quote because other than it being riveting and colorful, it would help lead me into getting acquainted with you, here, now.
I suppose you could call me a frequenter of b-side, or a "reg". However, we may not ever have met before; I tend to be too shy, I'm working on breaking out of that terrible trait of mine. Most would describe me as soft-spoken, ladylike, classy, sophisticated, a "wallflower", plain, and most of all, level-headed. I must admit, I do like to set some sort of a standard of poise and elegance. I'm more of a "people watcher" I relax in the corners and let others have the spotlight. I've never really been much of an "attention seeker".
So then why would I be given the honor of being your official internet voice of b-side?
Because if you really know me at all; you know all of the above is entirely un-fucking-true (not to mention the dead hopes and dreams of my mother's; she really did try to instill the aforementioned respectable qualities in me. But I never listened. Or I just couldn't hear her over the sound of how AWESOME I AM).
If you don't know me, I'll tell you the truth; I am your conscience. Okay, I'm not, but I really should be. I should also, be well behaved but "should"s and "should not"s just get messy with me so let us not get specific. I can be a real peach to people, I can also come off as a bit of a.... vulgar, filthy, verbal-pioneering, "proper" bitch. But all in good fun. I really can't help it, I just have no mental filter when it comes to the words that leave my mouth. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm rather god damn refreshing and delightful. I really just give no fucks. Ever. No. Fucks. Ever. I take fucks, but I do not give fucks. I like to spend my time at b-side with everyone that I adore and celebrate, and to get out of control like a monumentally disastrous oil spill in the gulf.
So, being that we're just internet "meeting", like b-harmony, I'll take it easy on you, KY jelly and all. The following faces are people I will frequently mention on here when I have "drunk dear diary"s about b-side and all things relevant to b-side. Plus, you should just know in general these good people (to those of you who I do not spotlight below, you eventually will be on here so don't cry about it).
BRAD (aka MY DAD)
He's not really my dad. He has absolutely nothing to do with my lack of discipline and questionable behavior, he actually, supports it and finds humor in it. Buttttt, he's my dad. He has watched me grow from a bratty 18 year old to a terrible trouble making 23 year old. He is the reason YOU have some of the best DJ's RIGHT HERE IN CLEVELAND. Brad brings you the phenomenal guest DJ's, he is the man behind any and all b-side parties&events, and he himself spins you good music. He's really OUR dad; he is the man to thank for all of the fun we have. Thou shall honor thy b-side father.
FILLY
This is Filly, as you can see, he is inappropriate. Mostly just because he's my "other dad". Not in the way where "its 2010 and I have 2 dad's!". Not at all. I happen to refer to a handful of b-side gent's as my dad. Filly plays dubstep. I'm biting my tongue about that right now (you fuck). He is also one of your wonderful b-side DJ's.
OH FUCK & YES SIR
Basically, you don't want to do anything to be on a first name basis with these guys. I mean, you can be, but not in the way where they asked your name after they dragged you out and owned you like Michael owned Tito.
KASSIE
Goddess of helping you pick your poison. She is one of my favorite people in the world and one of your stellar bartenders. You know, the people we want to give big tips to so they don't have to eventually be using food stamps. Don't yell at her, don't wave money at her; she knows you're there and she will serve you and be great to you. Also, she loves LOST.
FILLY'S "MANHOOD"
Haha....I know, right?
STEVEN BRYANT
My best friend. He's real big. He's real black. And he loves alcohol and bitches. Above all though, me.
AARON TUMBRY (FAR LEFT, GREEN, BEHIND FILLY EYE FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF ME)
It's not so much Aaron you should know (because he most likely won't remember you, he gives no fucks either). It's his bun. His bun is a status symbol. You'll see....
CHRISTIAN BARILLA
He whines at me like a pansy bitch and he can be a huge pain but I do love him. You can usually anticipate his arrival around last call. He has "priorities".
RONNY
I mean, obvi.
I spend most of my time at b-side with these people (and others) so most of my stories will most likely involve the above, so now you can connect the dots. If you can't, then you're just fucking retarded......so you should definitely be friends with Christian.
If you were not there tonight; you missed chicken fighting and me getting twin tag teamed.
I hope all of you who read this first post feel inspired and excited for the future because I know I am. Because I am the future. So basically, you're all fucked. But we'll all be tanked at b-side so as one we will give no fucks. By the way, the question/title "who the fuck are you to be drinking champagne?" was asked to me in the girls room one night. I cherish that moment, I wanted to kiss her and punch her at the same time because personally I think sex and fighting solves everything. Anyway, I am Haley fucking Ann. But you can just call me "nasty nancy" or "dogface". But everyone else calls me Haley.
Before i go, drink picks of the week with much thought put behind.....
FOR MY FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM
FOR THE BROS
FOR THE UNDER-AGERS
AND LASTLY,
NOT FOR ANYONE, EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.
"Watch out for the gold chain you fucks",
haley ann
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